After years of being in love, it can come as a hurtful blow when you realize that your partner is no longer the person you once thought they were. If you find your relationship changing for the worse but have no idea what to do, divorce can emerge as the preferable option. Much like a frightened deer, it’s natural that people’s first instinct can be to run away from the problem. However, to prevent the potentially traumatic and painful process of divorce, you should consider taking these helpful steps to repair your marriage.
Pinpoint the Problems
Breaking apart from a loved one is not a decision to make lightly. Anger, disappointment, betrayal, and frustration can all cloud your judgement when identifying true issues in the relationship. Marriages aren’t delicate bonds that can be broken at the first small disagreement. Cheating and lying about important information is difficult to forgive, and if you don’t believe you can move on from the hurt this has caused, then it is understandable to leave. Even though there are excellent electronic discovery businesses able to assist you in protecting valuable legal data, divorce is only as clean as both parties allow it to be. If it’s something more along the lines of forgetting significant dates or being emotionally absent, then there are ways to fix that without unnecessarily shredding your relationship. What’s important is focusing on the root of the problem without being distracted by anger or irritation.
Communicate with Your Spouse
Once you’ve identified the main cause of your marriage’s friction, approach your partner without aggression or assumptions about how they might react. Choose a relaxed setting where both of you are comfortable to speak your mind. Don’t trap your partner by beginning the conversation in a crowded place where their reactions will be observed by others. Set out a clear agenda in your mind: explain why you think the marriage is ailing, where you think the problem is coming from, and how you feel. Resist accusatory phrases like “you always” or “you never,” as this will cause your spouse to react defensively. Ask if they feel the same and how they want to resolve the issues. The relief of being honest with each other will feel much better than silently hoping the other will change their ways.
Assess the Present Moment
After your discussion, take in your emotional surroundings. Do you feel that you are both on the same page about where your marriage is headed? If so, proceed by taking the actions each of you agreed upon in order to recover the relationship. If not, remind yourself of all the reasons you loved your partner in the first place. Weigh these against the reasons you now feel your marriage is declining and decide whether or not you wish to spend effort mending it. Regardless of how your spouse reacts and behaves, always conduct yourself as fairly as possible. Be honest about your emotions and ambitions so your partner will feel free to do the same. That way you will find a path to healing your marriage.