As I pulled up to park my car to our spot for the Homecoming Parade at 9:30AM this morning, I unraveled the knot from the top of my head to readjust the ponytail clump I had wrapped up so messily atop my head. I took the glasses off my face and picked the mascara clump that was sitting so crustily in the corner of my eye. I pulled up the hood of my oversized sweatshirt and calmly ordered my kids, who were already storming out the car with their freezer-sized ziplock bags, to chill the eff out (but in kinder words, mind you) and stay by the car.
And then I saw her. The perfect mom. Her hair was curled in loose blond waves, her makeup and complexion perfectly fresh, her long-sleeved denim shirt hugged her body over her fleece-lined leggings and she wore boots that were mid-knee with heels 2-3 inches high. Her two little kids were holding hands, the boys’ hair perfectly spiked and the little girl’s hair was straightened with bows and she was also decked out in a fluffy tutu and in our school’s colors. They were smiling, carrying their matching recyclable totes for their candy. They were laughing and smiling up at their mommy with admiration, while I was trying to keep my little rug rats from going in and out of the car.
The thing is, I’ve seen this mom many times before and it’s not like she has an event to go to after the parade or any other activity she does for that matter. She is ALWAYS so nicely put together…is ALWAYS smiling…and is ALWAYS wearing heels. I wonder if she could feel all the other eyes of moms on her as she tossed her blond hair over her shoulder as she bent down to tie her son’s shoes. You could totally see the other women probably mentally beating themselves up like I was, “Man, she’s gorgeous. She looks perfect. I despise her. She must be unhappy at home. I’m glad my husband isn’t here because he’d need his jaw lifted off the ground. Ugh.”
The thing is, I used to be this mom. I used to take the time to get all dolled up every.single.day. And it was exhausting! The curling iron was hot an hour before I left the house. My clothes were fashionable and my makeup was about two to three layers thick, but I looked great and I felt great too! Heck, I even wore heels almost every day. Heels on boots. Heels on heels. Chunky, stiletto, platforms, you name it. I was styling, even if my feet hurt. But I felt like the hard work getting ready was something that warranted compliments.
Now, getting ready for the day is something I typically do a half hour before I need to go out the door for work everyday. That time INCLUDES making sure my other kids are dressed and put together as well. My makeup isn’t as precise, but I’m presentable. Now ten years later, I’m all about comfort. Immediately when I get home, I’m FREE! I’m taking my socks off. I’m whipping my bra off. I’m putting on my comfiest pair of yoga pants to lounge in. I’m taking out my contacts and wiping my makeup off. You know what else? Heels are not even in my shoe closet! Years of primping and strutting around in heels wreaked havoc on my feet causing bunions that I’m going to have to have sawed down in the next couple of years. But hey, it’s life!
So why is it when another woman gets all dolled up and is all flawless looking that we as women wince, get immediately jealous or beat ourselves up with the whole comparison process?
I am guilty of this on more than just this occasion, trust me. From here on out, instead of doing an eye roll or when I start thinking those negative thoughts, I’m going to stop myself in my negative tracks. BAM! I’m going to slap myself right upside the head and say, “Girl, she is woman. Hear her roar! Cheer this woman on! Give her kudos as she struts around carrying her carseat with a 12 pound infant in it, all while wearing 3 inch heels. THAT is an empowered woman!” Granted, I may not carry around bunion pads to give out to moms for foot protection against kitty wompus protrusion, but I will smile and give her the fellow seal of mom approval. We women need to stick together and support one another because at one point or another, we have all worn high heels and hurt deeply from them. We need to be supportive to the moms out there who do have that extra energy to spare on themselves!
wow i am never that put together but then again i’m all about comfort. I think moms who can have it all together rock. Your post made me think of one of my favorite songs by the beautiful mama scarlett cherry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGgc29fIT9Q
Great post! We can admire without comparing. I, for one, will never be that all-dolled-up mommy but am impressed that anyone can be!
I would love to be that mommy, but I’m lucky if I have time for concealer and mascara! As long as I’m clean and presentable, I’m ready for the day as a stay-at-home mom xx
This is great! I know a few moms who are always dressed to the nines, full make up etc and I just think how wonderful that must be but that doesn’t make me happy! I am who I am, and as long as we are happy who cares! Let them waste their time I’m comfy haha!
I know that some days I do get myself all dolled up and take my toddler out…and I immediately get something spilledo n me or something. LOL I love to wear makeup and high heels, I just feel like I can’t anymore.
I like to get all dolled up before I leave the house, but some days it just doesn’t happen. I try not to compare myself to others- or judge other moms- but it can be hard.
We read all the time that moms need to take “me time” and take care of ourselves and I guess some moms actually do. We can’t be mad at that. LOL
I hear ya, I always get a little pang of jealousy and guilt when I see those “put together” moms.
I also am comfortable with what I do and who I am, so in the end I agree — I’ll give her props but I know I’m about comfort. 🙂
I had a day like this today. My son had an MRI this morning so I wasn’t in the mood to get dolled up so I just wrapped my hair up and went with it.
No, not anymore and not for quite a few years, LOL. I go out presentable but comfortable and that is all that matters to me. There are a lot of negative things associated with aging but one positive is not giving a you know what about what others think about your appearance.
And I like you…give kudos to those going out in public looking fabulously put together. Good for them. It is just not me. And that is ok.
Like they always said, life starts in the age of 40. My wife is always beautiful as she is. Great post!
I feel like people are so used to seeing me in yoga pants and a pony tail that they look at me funny when I do dress nice!
I had a friend at the bus stop with me who was THAT mom. She wore heels no matter what. In the morning, I’d be there in jammies and she’d be in heels and a cute outfit. She said it was comfortable, lol.
I think I’m a mix of both of those types of mom, when I’m dropping my little one off in the morning or picking her up I’m sporting my finest yoga pants and a concert tee, but if it’s a school even (play, concert, blah blah) I do it up, I guess that’s because as a work at home mom I don’t get many opportunities to dress up lol! I love your point of empowering all mama’s, we gotta stick up for each other right!?
I’ve never worn heals. Too clumsy for that. Since I started working from home, remarried and gained a step daughter, I don’t feel the need to spend hours getting ready. I am not looking for a date. As long as I feel presentable, I am ok. But, there are days where I just want to take that time to get ready because it makes me feel so much better about myself. I also think the older I get the more I start to care a lot less.
You know, I don’t even care anymore. I just try to look decent. Nice jeans, nice top, nice shoes, and some makeup. I had three toddlers at one point and I only have one now. It makes a world of difference in my energy level. But I don’t have time to waste on myself that much.
every mom would need time for themselves as sometimes, they tend to focus on other people and family than their own self.
The moms that you see all dolled up every day… Yeah, I’m jealous of them! They have to have something figured out! I’m lucky if I get a shower ever day!