MEAN GIRLS: Is Your Daughter The Leader Of The Pack?
It doesn’t matter what era you grow up in, whether you were wearing bell bottoms or jeggings, you can’t escape the wrath of mean girls. They are in every school, every single grade, some just meaner than others. Heck, maybe YOU were the mean girl like Regina George was in the hit classic “Mean Girls” starring Lindsay Lohan, but just too proud to admit it?
So how do you help your own daughter through the “mean girl situations” because I guarantee she’s witnessed one, been in one herself or been the “mean girl”. Yeah, YOUR girl, the mean girl? Never, right?
I hope and pray that my kids never turn out as the mean kids. I hope they use kind words and I hope they try to do something nice for someone every single day. That is the lesson I am trying to convey to my kids. Not everyone has a good home life. Not everyone has someone to talk to. You never know what someone else is going through, so be kind!
I, as a mother have already seen and heard about some of the mean girl stuff going on in my daughter’s grade and it’s tough. It’s frustrating. How do you, as a mother handle the mean girls? Do you give your child advice? Do you let your child figure it out on her own? Or do you encourage her to just be nice to everyone?
Imagine this situation as a young girl.
You walk into a room of pre-teen to early teen girls your age waiting for practice to start. A group of girls sits in a tight circle, the circle closed in, allowing for no other girl to sit in. Then close to the wall, one girl sits alone by herself. You recognize a couple of girls from the large group and as you walk into the room, the group stares at you. You kind of know the girl sitting by herself. Nobody in the big group says, “Hi! Come join us.” So, what would you do as a young girl? Go join the circle of girls? Go sit with the girl that was seemingly by herself? Or sit by yourself? Imagine the thoughts that must run through a child’s mind when entering this situation. This happened to my daughter and I earlier this summer as I was dropping her off for sports practice. While I didn’t steer my daughter in any direction, I was curious as to what my daughter would do. I knew what I wanted to do, which certainly would not have been appropriate and would most definitely embarrass the heck out of my daughter. I wanted to walk over to the gaggle of girls, shake them all and say, “Open up your dang circle! You should all be friends!” I could see the the uncertainty in my daughter’s eyes as she immediately felt conflicted, torn.
So, I know you are dying to know, what my daughter chose to do, right?
She chose to sit with the girl that was sitting by herself. Was it the right decision? Well, it was for her and it made me smile inside.
Now this was just one incident out of how many situations that must happen on a daily basis and really, it doesn’t seem SO bad though, right? Now for us as parents, this situation sounds borderline ridiculous. But for a young girl, this is a HUGE deal. Everything is magnified times 10 when it comes to these situations, especially fitting in and trying to do the right thing.
I remember growing up, I wasn’t exactly “IN” a certain group. I tried so hard to be nice to everyone and I was not perfect by any means. But nowadays, it seems so much more complicated. I’m not even a teenager and I’m feeling like ripping my hair out!
With social media accounts like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, kids are becoming braver, doing outrageous things for attention. Bullying other kids because of their looks. It can’t be easy growing up as a teen in this day in age because it sure as heck was not easy back when I was a teenager either.
We all want our children to be well liked. We want our children to get good grades. We want our child to fit in. But do YOU really know what your kid is up to in school? Do you know if your daughter is the girl leading a pack of mean girls?
Do you REALLY care?
If there is one thing that I do teach my daughter, it will be to NOT be like Regina George.
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And this is exactly why I’m happy tha I have all boys. No drama.
I am with you – so glad I have all boys. I do believe they are easier than girls.
I teach my daughter to respect others and be kind. I hope that she does not become a mean girl!
So far, my daughter doesn’t appear to be a mean girl, knock on wood. I’m keeping my fingers crossed she remains the type of girl less confident girls feel comfortable being around.
I dealt with groups like that when I was growing up and I never paid attention to them. I was so happy when my oldest son had a group of friends over and they were girls who were all so very different from each other and yet they all got along so well.
This is why I’m happy I have a son with a huge heart and enough brains not to follow the pack.
This is such an important post. It’s up to parents to be role models and show their kids there are consequences for their actions. Bullying will only stop when adults get involved.
I have to say that I did not have any mean girls in my class, but I also went to a small and friendly school. My daughter is too little for the mean girls drama at the moment, but she will be studing in a huge city school in the future so I’m rather worried. I hope I can raise her to be friendly and considerate.
I only have a boy (so far) thank goodness but hopefully I would be able to tell if my daughter was one of the mean girls.
Those girls always made me sick in school. There is nothing like overcompensating for your own short comings by being horrible to other people.
I don’t have any daughters so I never had those issues but I know a few girls like this. I worked in a high school for over 20 years and saw this played over and over again.
I know that “mean” girls can really have a big negative impact on nice girls lives and that is pretty sad.
I know that I cared that my sons were treating people with respect . Boys can be mean too.
I see a lot of this behavior from some of my female students. It’s so important to be aware of it and on the lookout for it.
I just stuck up for myself when there was a female bully. I didn’t care what she thought & kept on doing me. Mean girls will eventually have karma roll around, I think…
It can be so hard on a young girl having to deal with mean girls. You really have to teach them self worth and confidence
I would definitely care if my daughter was the “mean girl”. It would go against everything that we are teaching her. I think when kids act like that it is definitely a reflection of their home training or lack thereof.
It would be horrible to find out that your daughter is a mean girl, I teach my daughter to be nice and caring.
My Daughter is 3 and I pray she doesn’t grow up and become a “mean girl” I wasn’t one, I was one that got along with everyone and I’m hoping she will be the same 🙂
I completely agree! This time is crucial to getting your daughter on the right track!
I certainly hope kiddo doesn’t grow up to be a mean girl. She has heard all of her parents horror stories about getting picked on and she herself has been picked on. I hope she continues to be the kid with friends from all groups.
I recently read something about parents shaming the parents of mean girls because they think it’s their fault. I have found in reality that mean girls often come about because they’ve been picked on and are trying to make themselves seem tougher.
A wonderful post that has got me thinking! I hope my 2yo Scarlett doesn’t turn out to be like Regina either. She’s already being taught to respect others and be polite, and lessons will always continue 🙂
My daughter was pretty good in school and had awesome friends so I never had to worry about her being mean or her being mean to others. I do have that problem however with my son since he’s autistic and others are mean to him.
My daughters are still pretty young (5 and almost 2). My 5 year old seems to get along with other kids pretty well. But this is a topic that will be important to us as all of our kids grow up. Bullying is far too common .
I would hope neither of my girls would be! They’ve had enough issues at school I think they’d know better and know how wrong and awful bullying is!
A couple of bloggers had a discussion about this the other day. We believe that “mean girls” turn into snooty PTO moms and they pass it on to their daughters then it is a never ending battle. My daughter was never allowed to act like that but I volunteered at the school often and yes the mean girls are often that of those mothers who think they know everything in their own little clique.
I just was at school, I definitely wasn’t a mean girl though I can across some of them. Its so sad that we do have these issues in schools and even through adult life sometimes.
My daughter struggles with telling her friends to be nice. If they are mean to someone.. she will just and let it happen.
I do worry about the other kids when my son gets to school. He is just now in preschool.
I am not quite there yet, but my princess is shy and quiet
As they grow they change but we are doing all we can to stop bullying in any form
I have a 13-year-old daughter and I always talk to her about being a kind and thoughtful person. I’m lucky that I homeschool her because I feel like she’s missed out on a lot of the influences that others might be pressured by.
If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s discrimination like this among KIDS. I just wish they would stay innocent for longer than they do!
My experience has been that young girls learn this from the women around them. We need to be better role models for them.
My kids are all 7 and under, but I tell them OFTEN to never be the mean kid. I switch the tables and ask them how they would feel if xyz happened. I tell them that no matter what others are doing, we treat others with love because we don’t want to hurt anyone.
I have a boy, yet I still see drama happening in his group of friends. Seems like a “Mean Boys” movie should be in the works sometimes!
I am totally glad I am out of those phase, lol. but I cannot imagine raising one like myself, lol.
This is an excellent post that I myself have been meaning to tackle. As the mom of a 13 year old girl, we are definitely dealing with these “Mean Girl” issues. It’s so sad and it breaks my heart that this contiues to take pace in schools. My daughter thankfully is not a Mean Girl and is not being bulied either, however, she witnesses some pretty mean things at school. And the worst are the silent bullies, because the teachers are clueless that it’s going on. And many parents are clueless of what their children are doing in school, sad but true!
I remember those days. I was not the mean girl though but a guy bullied me. That’s good that you as a parent detected it right away or at least you’re aware of what your D has been doing in school. It’s important to keep communications open with our kids.
My daughter has had a friend turn on her and become the mean girl. It was heart wrenching, and there’s really not a lot (there’s a little, but not a lot) you can do.
UGh, one moment when I’m happy to have boys. My fear is whether or not my kids will end up being bullied or worse – BE the bullies. Not if I can help it!!
I would care if I saw this in my own daughter. But I believe children learn from those around them. So I better watch MYSELF and my actions towards others.
My daughter is only 4 and honestly I’m hoping Jesus comes back before she gets to this age! It is SUCH a hard age! There is no amount of money that would persuade me to go back to it. And I actually tired of all the girl drama so much that most of my closer friends after a certain point were guys! You should definitely be proud of your daughter though …. sounds like you are raising her WELL!!
I have a son so not sure if this applies lol I remember there were lots of “mean girls” in school but I just stayed away from them. The school was big enough to get lost and not be detected by the “mean girls” with too much times on their hands lol
Kids can be so cruel these days. My oldest daughter is 8 & she does have her little circle of friends, but they are the sweetest girls ever to everybody. Hopefully they all stay that way!
We talk about this a lot as a family – the importance of including everyone and being kind to others. My daughter is friendly with everyone but the mean girls, whom she avoids like the plague.
My daughter wasn’t a mean girl and I’m so happy about that. She was very popular but extremely self-confident and independent so she never felt pressure to act that way. She had the ability to float between circles and be accepted in all of them.
My middle daughter has been the subject of a lot of mean girl ridiculed. And let’s just say that I am proud of the young woman has become and not continue the cycle.
My daughter just started Kindergarten and I’m so afraid of her being bullied. I have talked to her on many occasions to make sure she isn’t being bullied and isn’t being a bully. I think everyone should read this post! Great message!