Tweens and Privacy: Oh Boy, They Want It!
Yep, as you know from my previous post on tweens, I’ve got one and I love her more than anything. But with the tweenage years, it’s hard not to notice the changes.
Once your child hits the tween years you will notice that they have drawn up an invisible wall of privacy. Well, okay not really an invisible wall as you may suddenly find yourself facing a closed bathroom or bedroom door. They are suddenly aware of their bodies and the subtle changes that are starting to appear. They may ask you certain things about the changes that are occurring or even ask their friends.
These changes are subtle yet can be pretty hard on parents. You will suddenly feel like an intruder in your own home as you may hear an outburst of “Close my door“ or a favorite of many tweens, `Learn How to Knock“. Hearing those words can be emotionally devastating for a parent.
You may suddenly notice that your tween will no longer be interested in discussing things that took place during their school day. The answers, if any will be short and sweet, or maybe a little sharp in tone. Remember that hormones are suddenly raging through their bodies and these chemical changes can also alter their moods.
As a parent, the only thing you can do is ride out the storm. Remember to keep the communication lines open, no matter how hard it may seem. Do not try to play the parent or friend role, you are neither. You are a sounding board, that`s it. Not trying to sound harsh, the only way you can open the lines of communication during these years is to personalize the experience. What I mean by this is to take a circumstance that is happening in your tween`s life and tell them about a similar experience that happened to you when you were a tween.
By sharing your own tween experience with them, it will help them with problem-solving and how to face a challenge with a positive outlook and outcome. Remember to give them their privacy; they will turn to a parent, friend, or another adult should they have any questions.
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Oh I can so totally relate. I have a 13 year old son who doesn’t want to be bothered by me anymore. I just leave him alone because sometimes it’s all you can do. Give them space.
I remember how it was so I am a bit nervous for it when it hits this house! My oldest will be 11 in Sept and he’s pretty much going on 17 already!
My kids have been pretty good about not shutting me out. But I expect it from time to time and I’m (mostly) okay with that. I understand they need space… and heck, I need space from them too!
MY daughter is turning 13 in 7 days so I totally get this, she has this attitude now that wasn’t there before, yikes! She’s a sweet girl, but her moods are definitely swinging.
Oh my. I’m so not looking forward to this stage. I think it’s helpful to recall days when we were once teenagers.
I remember how that was with my daughter. I was so lucky she was a good student but the mood swings drove me crazy.
My tween and teen years were the toughest for me. I was a real brat. I think I needed someone to be more understanding and considerate of my changes rather than making me feel even more uncomfortable…if I had that, it probably wouldn’t have been so rough.
I have a tween here at home too. It’s really nice to see him developing into an independent and unique individual.
My son gets in moods where he wants me no where around him.
I am so not ready for this! My son is only 3, and I don’t even want to think about these years yet. Great post though – thanks for sharing!
I remember wanting more privacy & such as a tween. I don’t wanna know when I finally have kids & they hit that stage 😛
All kids reach that age where they start wanting to have their own privacy.
I have an 8 year old who has his moments. Posts signs on his door it drives me a little nuts. But I keep telling myself it is a phase and will pass.
My kids are 16 and 19 so I totally understand where you are coming from. My best advice is to follow their lead and give them the space they want but still know what is going on in their lives.
Going through this with my older one. Like you said I will have to ride it out.
I remember how I was four years ago when I started doing things that I didn’t ask my mom permission for. It was great when my mom gave me space and didn’t smother me with what I was doing.
I remember this phase myself and when my brother wanted privacy more and more. It’s so funny how fast kids change.
Oh the memories! Kiddo is officially a teen, 16 to be exact. He went thru the privacy stage but thank goodness he still likes spending time with me.