How to Help Your Child if They’ve Been Rejected by Their Peers
Boy being bullied in school
As a parent, it probably breaks your heart when your child is sad because their peers don’t want to hang out with them. While we want our child liked by everyone, the fact is that this rarely happens these days. Dealing with peer rejection is not easy for any child, but there are some things you can do to help the situation.
Take time to listen to them- When your child comes to you with their hurt feelings of being rejected by their peers, one of the most important things you can do, as a parent, is to listen to them. If you are busy doing something, stop for a moment to be a good listener. Right now, don’t interrupt them, don’t offer advice, just listen. Once they are done, ask them some questions that you may have, so you have a full understanding of the situation.
Keep things in perspective- When your child tells you that they feel left out with their peers, it is important that you remain calm and don’t overreact in front of them. Instead, remind them that they aren’t alone and that other kids have gone through similar situations. Also, remind them that some of their friends will likely change throughout their growing years. A few friends may stay close to them, while others may just go their separate way. It is all a normal part of growing up.
Encourage them to participate in activities- Encourage your child to participate in activities where they can meet others who share common interests. If they are interested in sports, consider joining the soccer team. If they enjoy going to church, consider joining a church group. Whatever their interest may be, hanging out with others who enjoy the same thing as they do, may help your child form a solid friendship.
Help them with problem solving steps– As a parent, you can help your child through some problem-solving steps. By showing them what steps they need to take to work through a problem, you are providing them with a tool that they can use throughout their life. There are basically 4 steps needed to solve a problem- identify what the problem is, think of a few different solutions to solve the problem, consider the pros and cons of each solution and decide which solution is the best one.
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I remember this all too well when I was a child. I see it with my kids as well, and it hurts this Mama’s heart. These are some great tools for kids, and for parents to aid their kids.
This has got to be one of the hardest ones as a parent. I’m sure it is easy to want to just react when you’re child isn’t happy and doesn’t feel included. These are great steps to help parents take a breath, and help their children feel heard and supported.
It’s really important that you are there for them and that you listen. These are wonderful tips on how to help a child out.
This is so hard. I’ve got daughters, and I don’t know how often boys experience this, but for girls it’s really tough. My oldest daughter is in college now, but she had the worst time throughout middle school. So bad in fact that she made the choice to switch high schools, so that she wouldn’t have to be around them anymore. They all form their little cliques, and it’s just awful.
These are great parenting tips!! I definitely always ask my oldest how school is and to hear what he has to say and hope that if he ever has an issue he isn’t afraid to open up and communicate.
This is good advice. My kids aren’t old enough even to have real friends yet, but we already think about the future and how terrifying parenting is. Kids can be so mean.
Now that school is back in session, I am worried that I will have to deal with this. We have a kindergartener so I hope he makes friends!
My daughter is only 4, and I haven’t really dealt with this yet but it seems like it would be very hard to handle. Being a mom, you want everyone to love your kid because you think he/she is the greatest. It is also our job as parents though to help them learn to deal with rejection.
I was just talking to my daughter about this on the way to school. This is so hard for them to handle. It breaks my heart.
Thank you for this wonderful and helpful post. Parenting is indeed a full time job. I love the advice on encouraging activities. Sometimes a child needs to meet a group of other kids that have the same interests.
Thanks for the tips. It hasn’t happened yet, well not at least in a way that my kids have picked up on. I try to teach them how to not exclude other kids too.
Their confidence is going to break and that’s the time wherein they really need our support and our ears to listen. These are wonderful tips and parents should take note of them.
As a teacher and principal this always made me so sad. I would be sad with the child for awhile, then ask, what can we do to make the situation feel different? We’d brainstorm all the ways we could do something that didn’t rely on the other kids actions. Some worked and some didn’t.
Great advice. As parents, we so often want to solve our kids problems instead of listening to them and reassuring them. Kids can be mean, and with social media the can be very mean. It’s a sucky part of growing up but if are there for our kids and try to help them through their journey, we can teach to be strong and confident no matter what.
I am so glad that you included “listening”. So often we are ready to jump into mommy save the world role, and we don’t listen to exactly what our kids are saying. A lot of times, some active listening can help us understand the situation, and find ways to truly make them feel better. Great article.
Thrifting Diva
http://www.thriftingdiva.com
This breaks my heart just thinking about this problem. I’ve been here as a kid and I hate thinking that other kids are experiencing this right now.
This is something that both my son and daughter have experienced. It’s so tough as a mother to help them. Thank you for these tips.
I have always felt my oldest daughter is a big socially awkward and does much better one on one than in large groups. She’s a great friend but there’s something about that unavoidable girl group that is really tough for her to navigate. It certainly is heartbreaking when you know your child is feeling sad but all we can do is let them know home is their safe place and they always have a support system. Excellent topic!
I love all of these tips! Definitely getting them involved in activities is a huge help.
These are wonderful tips! My oldest child is shy and sometimes feel like an outcast because of his shyness, so these tips can definitely help.