The teenage years are so tough. There are so many insecurities. Comparisons to others. Trying to find oneself. Trying to fit in. Bullies. Hormones. Acne. Body changes. Mood swings. All kinds of fun stuff, right? Then imagine hundreds of teens in the same school going through the same thing, with each kid at different stages or going through different things than others. Hormone city, man. And we adults have been there so we KNOW how tough it is being a teen.
So how do you encourage your teen to be confident and take the teenage years all in good stride?
Well let me tell you this, there is no “good stride”. There are going to be up’s. There are going to be down’s. The good news is that you, as a parent, can help your teen get through these years with a bit more ease.
So, how, do you ask? Here are 10 tips for raising a confident teen that I encourage you to try out on your own teenager guinea pig.
1. Be trustworthy. You need to be there when your teen needs you. For them to come to you is huge and if they feel comfortable doing so, feel good about that. Provide a safe home environment with firm but FAIR discipline. Don’t try to be their friend.
2. Give your teen choices. Making a decision is a huge deal for a teen and if you give them the choice to make one, that will help them gain more confidence.
3. Encourage your teen to try new things. For example, I encouraged a sweet little teen of mine to try out volleyball and she really wasn’t too keen on the idea. With a little encouragement, you’ll never believe what happened. She LOVES it more than any other activity she has participated in. My words of wisdom? “You don’t know if you don’t try!”
4. Be your teen’s biggest fan. Attend those sports games. Take interest in their school activities and other interests. Show that you care! Seeing you in the stands or in the crowd will make them feel good.
5. Do not use criticism when talking to your teen. AND try to stay away from sarcasm. This is one of my biggest downfalls…the sarcasm part. Sarcasm is part of my personality so I often times find myself pausing to really think before I say something. You don’t want to hurt more than you help.
6. Allow your teen to fail, do not fix their problems for them. If they need you to help talk the problem through, ask open ended questions so that they come to their own conclusions. Role play different scenarios if it helps your teen find their answer – but allow them to find the answer that is right for them.
7. Model a positive attitude by handling everyday decisions with confidence. The attitude that you emulate is the attitude that your child will learn!
8. Give your child positive feedback when he/she does something well. Praise is always a great confidence booster.
9. Do things with your teen. Spending time doing things with your teen likes will not only help your bond with your teen but have them feeling positive about themselves too, believe it or not!
10. Talk to them often! Establish clear and OPEN communication, mutual respect and understanding.
For those of you with a teenager or those who made it through the teenage years, have you found any strategies that work (worked) for you? How about those that don’t or didn’t work?
I wasn’t a confident teen at all (not my parents fault I was a very ill teen as well) its such a hard time in anyones life.
I probably did everything wrong when I raised my daughter… somehow, she turned out okay. We are very close so I must have done something right.
I actually turned out alright from my teen years. I have no idea where I got it from, but I didn’t let acne or anything get in my way. I was gonna enjoy high school & not have it kick me in the butt 😛
Those are all awesome suggestions. Raising a teen is hard.
Giving teens choices is very important. Although they are not adults, they need to feel like they have a say in most decisions.
These are great tips. I worry so much about the teenage years.
These are such good tips. The teen years can be such a challenge — to both the kids and parents!
I think doing things together and talking to them is crucial
You have a great list that works for all ages!
Great tips and I like to think of my teens as a bit too overconfident. I need a post teaching them to tone it down a little. 🙂
I was really worried about the teen years, but I had very open communication with the kids. We sailed through those years with very little issues. Whew!
I am blessed that my oldest son talks to me about everything – some things I wish I did not have to hear though! It is hard, luckily some kids are just confident and have strong personalities which my son has – he did not get this from me.
Communication is actually a big factor- thanks for this list.
Confidence is something that is gained, not learned. But I do agree, failure is only a stepping stone to success!
We have a preteen right now and confidence is a major issue I’m concerned about. Thanks so much for the post!
Definitely good tips to remember for when my son gets that age! Ack! Can’t believe it.
These are all great tips for helping your Teens to be confident. I would not want to be a teenager again. These days it is tough to be a teen in High school.
Good advice for raising a confident teen. Communication is so important when raising children of all ages.
These are great tips! My mom tells me all the time that I “trained” her LOL I was always so private – we would have HUGE arguments about things when I wanted to just be still and be quiet and she wanted me to talk about it to feel better LOL Honestly, I think she did great being a mom, especially when I was a teen! I hope I can do the same!
All great ideas! I really notice my daughter sharing more when we make it a point to do things with her. She normally wants to be left alone in her room, but when we invite her out to do things, like movies and dinner, she really becomes more animated and talkative.
I have a 20 year old step son who lives at home still, I have a 17 year old step daughter and I have a 15 year old step son I also have our 7 year old daughter. I can say teenage boys seem so much less complex then the teenage girl. My 7 year old has no chance because of all the *practice I had with her siblings*
I do fear teenage years with the stubborn redheaded jean see I am like you I use scarsam I notice the step kids it’s ok but with my own daughter she takes it a hole new level and my own respect goes out the window and I fall into friend mode when I do that. boundaries and firmness are needed but I agree with the being there and doing things they link I have a greater bond with the step kids because I took time to do so
I wasn’t a confident teen at all. Kiddo is 9 and so far she is not off to a good start. For completely different reasons. It is hard because shes 30 min away from her dad and I and we can’t be there to help.
Teens still need a schedule too. Make sure they stay on time for bedtime and waking up. Boundaries for kids and teens are so important and giving them a schedule is setting a boundary.
I don’t have a teen yet – but I think number 10 – having open communication is important. I want my children to be able to talk to me about anything, I am teaching this open communication from an early age.
These are great tips to keep in mind when talking to your teen. I think we soon forget how hard it was to be a teen and they need our encouragement!
These are very good tips to raising a confident teen. I hope when my son is in his teen I can remember to use these tips lol Looking forward for those years!